Before you become a mum, you have all these ideas in your mind about what the experience will be like. But the truth is, there's nothing that can prepare you for the journey of motherhood. There are some things that hit you from day one & others you learn gradually over the years.
Here are a few things I've learnt over the years from the front line of parenting......
1. If you bottle feed, you will be judged. If you breastfeed, you will be judged. If you go to work, you will be judged. If you stay at home, you will be judged. If you dress your child in designer wear, you will be judged. If you dress your child from charity shops, you will be judged. Moral of the story, do what the fuck you like. You're the parent, it's not anybody else's business.
2. There are 2 kinds of 4.00am. The one where you are falling out of a taxi with one shoe on, clutching a kebab whilst making a regrettable phone-call to whoever it may be. And the one where your day is only just beginning courtesy of your tiny human alarm clock.
3. Hangovers & children just do not mix, Ever. Just isn't worth feeling like absolute crap with a drill going on in your head, all you want to do is veg in your duvet with trashy tv & dominos. Children have a sixth sense, they know & will be doubly loud, extra energetic & will want you to make them breakfast, yes they do still need feeding. Who knew?
4. It may feel like it but yours isn't the only baby that doesn't sleep. Ignore those smug bastards on Facebook whose babies sleep through 7pm-7am & speak Chinese, they are probably lying. These sleepless nights are temporary, they won't last forever (I hope). Just go with the flow, sleep when you can & drink some wine.
5. Holidays are no longer relaxing. You can no longer pack light. You will take a million & one things for 'just in cases' but wished you hadn't bothered. You will buy a new book in hope you will sit back & relax in the sun, don't bother you won't be reading it, save your money for ice-creams.
6. How to drink a cup of coffee/tea in 1 minute without scalding your mouth... failing that use the microwave.
7. Your child will definitely have a better social life than you. Between school, activities that cost more than your average bottle of wine & parties every other weekend. You will barely have time to shit.
8. Talking of shit, don't expect to be able to take one in peace anymore, same goes for showering. Going to the bathroom alone is considered a luxury.
9. Being a mum is the hardest, worst paid but most rewarding job you will ever do. They will push you to the edge of insanity most days but all will be forgiven when they are asleep. Because let's face it they are so bloody cute.
10. You will slowly turn into your mum. Same sayings, same empty threats. I'm not sure how to tell MR.B that he is basically marrying my mum 😂.
11. Time really does fly. Too fast, before you know it your chubby rolled baby with 2 teeth who 100% relies on you for everything, will be all grown up & independent & not need you as much. So enjoy every moment, even the most stressful shitty moments, because they are not small for long & you will miss them.
12. But despite the majority of above, you will not mind any of it & wouldn't imagine your life any other way. They will bring you so much excitement to your life, you will learn that every day is different & there will never be a dull moment.