Selfish is the ultimate insult you could call a mother. It cuts to the very core of what being a mother is, which is about giving. We give up our bodies, we give our hearts, we give up careers, we sometimes lose friendships. We do all of this because the moment our baby is placed in our arms nothing else matters but the health & happiness of the little treasure that we created. We would sacrifice our own lives for our children.
For 8 years (nearly 9 would you believe!) I have told myself that I didn't matter. I shut out the inner me trying to tell me my feelings & goals were important by telling myself how much my children mattered, how much MR.B mattered.
It's 3.30pm, another cup of coffee is sitting by my side getting cold as I'm frantically trying to get my 7 month old baby, who is fighting with all his might, to go to sleep. I haven't showered, I haven't eaten, I haven't had a moment of thoughtless silence. I haven't been alone or experienced an ounce of personal space and no I definitely haven't felt like myself.
And when I share this sense of exhaustion & stress, I'm told this is part of Motherhood. After all this displaced sense of selflessness is what being a mum is all about. I in my exhaustion & hunger & my devastated self worth, am doing Motherhood right. And I am told that if I really care about my family, this feeling is bound to be normal.
I will constantly remind myself that it isn't just about me anymore & if for some horrible selfish reason I end up making it about me, I'm neglecting my children & MR.B.
But in this moment at 3.30pm I have decided enough is enough!
Mothers don't need to be told that forgetting who they are or ignoring what they need, somehow makes them better mothers.
Mothers don't need to be convinced that losing their sense of self is an indicator of their undying love & devotion for their family.
Instead, Mothers need to be reminded that they cannot take care of anyone if they don't take care of themselves first.
Mothers need to be told that it is okay to be selfish. In fact an act of selfishness could not only benefit them, but their entire family.
Mothers need to be reassured that having something outside of the family, whether that be a particular hobby you enjoy, going out with friends, a career even, is not only vital to their mental & physical well-being but something us mothers deserve!
I am a supportive partner, a sacrificing mother, I love MR.B & our 3 children I assure you, but I'm going to love myself aswell & im going to make a promise to myself that I always will.
And if that makes me a selfish mother than I'm going to embrace it with open arms.
I am a Selfish Mum.