Monday, 21 August 2017

To My Wonderful Daughter, Today You Turn 7 Years Old!

To my beautiful Gracie-Mae,

Today my sweet little girl, you turn seven years old. How time flies! How is it possible that it’s already 7 years since you made your grand entrance into this world?!? Little did I know how much you would change my life, turn it around & upside down. You were always a pickle straight from the start, making your Daddy & I wait an extra 12 days to meet you, you were just far too comfy in my tummy! 

7 years old. That is really a big girl now. You are totally your own person, you know your own mind, & you are strong-willed & strong-minded, which drives me insane & delights me, in equal measures.

You are such an incredible girl: you take after me in that you’re a total bookworm, I love watching you devour books, & I’m so proud that you can read pretty much anything now! I love watching you curl up with your blanket & a good book, going into your own little world, just reminds me how grownup you are getting now.

You are a wonderful sister to both of your brothers. You & Jamie are like the best of friends, (when your not squabbling over something of nothing!) & you've taken Isaac right under your little maternal wing. My heart bursts with pride with how much love you have got to give, your such a caring little soul. 

You make us laugh, you make us proud, you make us happy. I sometimes worry for you, as 7 years old seems so much older these days than when I was 7. I want to be able to protect you from the nasty stuff out there, whilst letting you have your independence as you get older, spread your wings & fly, making your own mistakes, & learning from them, as you go along. I try to, & I hope I get the balance right.

Whatever you do with your life, whoever you choose to share it with, wherever you decide to go, I will love you, be proud of you, & want to be a part of your life. So feel free to go out there, be who you want, & live your dreams, as it’s your life.

 It is clear that you have so much to offer this world. There has always been something so special about you. I love you & could not be more proud of my seven year old! Happy Birthday, Gracie-Mae. You light up my life. 

I hope you have the best day! 

Lots and lots of love,
Mummy xxxxxxx

Thursday, 17 August 2017

Uncommon Goods- My Favourite Picks

Hey guys, hope you are all having a good week so far. How have you all been finding the Summer Holiday madness? It's been pretty quiet over here this week, as we have been getting over this Flu virus, hopefully *touch wood* we all seem to be coming out the other side of it, so let the rest of the summer holiday madness commence! 


Have any of you heard of the website It's an online gift shop that I've recently discovered. It's full of fun, quirky & unique gift ideas for everyone! 

I wish I discovered this site sooner as all of our Birthdays & Anniversaries are all out the way,(apart from Gracie-Mae's, which is next week!) her presents are all brought now, but I may have to buy another cheeky little present for her, as the gifts from the kids section are brilliant! 

Like this one here...

I LOVE this gift idea for my two eldest children, I know they would spend hours colouring this in, whats so great about this product is that when laundry time arrives, the ink will wash out, leaving a fresh new canvas for the littles to start all over again! You can also buy a Colour Your Own Map Duvet to match! See more gifts for kids on this page.

Firstly let me tell you a little abit about this wonderful site. There are lots of things to love about UncommonGoods. Sustainability is threaded throughout the organization's business practices, treating all employees with respect, dignity, & fair wages.
They work with artists & small manufacturers that work in a socially & environmentally-responsible manner, producing products that contain recycled components & do not harm people or animals. When you check out, you can donate a dollar to a nonprofit through the Better to Give Program!
I am a big fan of supporting small businesses, so I wanted to share with you a quick gift guide of my favourite finds. Maybe you have a loved ones Birthday coming up or an Anniversary gift that needs buying, something personalised or just a cool gadget, UncommonGoods really does have something for everyone! 
Here's a few that I have found:-

I absolutely LOVE this gift & I know it's something MR.B would love too! These docks for iPhone & iPod are handcrafted from natural driftwood, polished to a velvety smoothness by sand & surf before washing up on the stony shores of Maine. You can check out more unique birthday gift ideas for men here.

I know these glasses may seem a little pricey, but, how beautiful are they? I just love how different they are & also very stylish! Cocktail party anyone? 
Is a martini glass made without glass still a martini glass? Aside from being beautiful, wood is also a better insulator than glass, & helps to keep cocktails chilled longer. Click here to see more birthday ideas for women.

I am a big lover of coffee mugs & these are just so cute! I love the whole design, the knots, grooves, & rings frame a hand painted declaration of love—you & your other half's initials, complete with an anniversary date & a charming heart & arrow. Makes the perfect anniversary present, right? You can see more anniversary gifts on this page.

If your anything like me & love buying quirky little bits for your home, then you will honestly love the home section! Look at how beautiful these lanterns are! 
I LOVE candles, they are everywhere in my home! And these lanterns are just beautiful! They would match perfectly in my lounge. And for £12.37 these are definitely a steal! Check out more great gifts for the home & garden.

*disclamier- This is a sponsored post, however, all thoughts & opinions are of my own. Thankyou UncommonGoods

Tuesday, 15 August 2017

Mum Is The Loneliest Number

Last night, I was in bed, ready for sleep, doing my nightly terrible habit of scrolling through my facebook feed, when it hit me. It grasped my heart & stole my peace. It was just something as simple as a photo of a few Mum's hanging out & their playful comment banter under the photo. But it hit me hard. Jealousy. Bitterness. ANGER. And then when those feelings had faded away, all that was left was loneliness.

I get lonely.

Motherhood is lonely.

It just is.

Even if you're lucky enough to have one or two steady friends, how often do you really get to spend time with them? Life gets busy, babies need to nap, kids get sick, have rehearsals, practices, husband/partners get home late from work, things change, plans get canceled, you forget to reschedule, and who's court is that ball in this time? It's just really, really, hard to have friends in this stage of life.

Sometimes, I go to the shops & walk around just to have interaction with people outside of my house, how sad is that?! When I’m out with the children & I look up from the chaos long enough to see another mama doing the same things I’m doing, I just want to run over to her and say, “Are you lonely too? Do you want the same things I want? Do you struggle with the same things I do? Will you judge me for failing? For being scared? For wanting to run away from my kids? For forgetting to do the eldest hair & a clean nappy on the youngest? Can we be friends? Am I freaking you out? I don’t care. HOLD ME.”

Sometimes I just want to have a long conversation with someone other than MR.B. Someone with female anatomy. Someone in the same life stage as me. Someone that gets me. But I can’t dwell on those thoughts. Loneliness breeds jealousy, & bitterness, & anger, & regret, & then guilt, & sleeplessness, grumpiness, impatience, grudges, depression, & so on ... & on ... and on ...

Mama, I know that you’re lonely too. It's ok. Just remember that this is a season & it is the most sacred season you will ever have the honor of experiencing. This is the time when your babies need you & want you & enjoy having you around. This is the time when they will cling to your legs as you try to leave the house without them & run into your arms when you come home as if you’d been gone a lifetime. You will never be more loved & wanted & needed as you are right this moment.

This is the season of boo-boos & spit up & dirt. It’s the season for 10 minute showers, half shaved legs, & one eyed mascara. You will get lonely. And jealous. And maybe sometimes you’ll begrudge your life & wish you had someone else’s. You’ll get frustrated & angry & you’ll want to escape. This will be the most unglamorous & unappreciated time of your life, & sometimes it just totally sucks. That’s ok. But have peace in knowing that this will be the season you look back on longingly. One day, we’ll gladly give up all the friends in the world to have our babies small again. To be able to fit them on our laps & read them stories & go on adventures & eat pancakes at every meal.

When loneliness creeps up in your heart & you start to feel sorry for yourself & wish for something other than what you have right now, fill that emptiness where your social life used to be with baby belly laughs & movie nights & pillow fights & silly songs. Don’t let temporary loneliness steal this season of your life.

I'm not saying that friendship isn't important. Obviously, it is, or we wouldn't feel its lack so strongly. We were never meant to live in isolation. Women, especially, need friendship. But sometimes, our friendships take the back seat in life & we can let that destroy us & affect our motherhood, or we can embrace it & give ourselves, & our friends, grace.

If you have friends, do whatever you can to spend time with them as often as life allows. But maybe you're in the same place I am right now. Maybe you're in a new county, & you don't know anybody, & then you meet people but they already have their group of friends & circles & you just kind of feel like the oddball out. It's easy to get discouraged & feel defeated. It's easy to cling to the computer & your online friends. Don't. Find a Musm group, a meet up, a park where Mums often hang out. Step out of your comfort zone, ask for phone numbers, & be intentional about forming friendships. Sometimes it will fail. But maybe it won't! Your new best friend could be sitting across from you at the playground feeling just as lonely as you. Don't convince yourself that you're the only one in the world that doesn't have friends. (I really need to practice what I preach...)

The point is, don't let loneliness steal this season from you. It's precious and it's beautiful & it will be over way too soon.

Soft Play- Heaven Or Hell?

Yesterday, we went to soft play. I think I hate soft play, or maybe I love it…I can’t decide.

The benefits are that it keeps the children busy, makes them happy & burns off some of the endless energy they have.

When I say endless energy, I am not exaggerating.  They are always on the go.


They don’t consume any caffeine.  I don’t get this.  As someone who struggles to even speak in the morning without a cup of coffee, I marvel at the way they jump out of bed in the morning.  Anyway, what our mornings are like is for another post.


Well I guess I like the slides they are pretty good fun.  The trampolines too, although I really, really would like to go on the trampoline on my own but I guess that is against the rules as I am probably a little over the age limit.

Oh & I really love the grabby machines.  You know what I mean, ‘The claw is my master’ for all those that have watched Toy Story – which is everyone right?  If these games have a real name I would be interested in hearing what that is.  For now, they will be known as grabby machines.  I am pretty good at these, but I guess anyone would be good if they spent a small fortune honing their skills!


This is going to sound old but soft play is exhausting; really, really tiring.  I find myself desperate to have a sit down & enjoy a hot cup of coffee.  But I can’t, and here is why…  my littlest is 12 months & therefore needs to be accompanied around the soft play at all times. Gracie-Mae loves dragging MR.B & I into the dreaded maze to play, Jamie just does his own thang!

So with this in mind, here is the thing. It’s those massive rabbit warrens, the huge climbing frames that are built for children.  Not twenty-something adults….So as I squeeze myself through these labyrinths after the children. I feel a bit silly, fearing I may get stuck, all the while pretending I am looking after a little person.  In reality, the only person who is truly in trouble here is me.  It is very likely I am never going to get out of here, stuck in soft play forever.


As you crawl through these stupidly small spaces, you always meet another knowing adult.  You nod, maybe say hello & always exchange sympathetic glances.  Both of you know what this means.  You are in it together.  You are not alone!!!

The tables; you can never ever find a clean table in these places.  They are always sticky, even if just cleaned.  Wet wipes save the day once more, they are truly the best invention known to man & I am not sure how I got through my day without them before kids.


By this, I mean the eight-year-old who is charging through the toddler area.  What is with that?  As I look around trying to catch the eye of said child’s parents, I notice there are no parents around.  Said child is running free, creating havoc in the toddler area, knocking my little ones out of the way, high on sugar from fizzy drinks & too many chewy sweets.   The other thing is how is the eight-year-old diving into the ball pool head first & not hurting themselves?


Not because I don’t want to leave, I do.  I am done.  Tired.  Need a coffee.  But the kids, they never, ever want to leave.  They make bold claims like, ‘just leave me here all by self’, ‘I want to live here’ & ‘it’s ok mummy, they sell chips here you can go’.  They have a meltdown; you bribe with promises of sugar & treats (that’s probably why the eight-year-old is running around manically).  You finally get out to the car & heart sinks as you remember they are now old enough to remember your bribes & demand payment.


What I do know is, when it is chucking it down & in the absence of any outdoor activities being an option, it beats being at home with them & the kids LOVE it, or at least I think they do if the screeching as they arrive & the crying as they leave is any indicator.

Friday, 4 August 2017

An Open Letter To My Beautiful Baby Boy, On His First Birthday

My Beautiful Boy,

On this day, at 14:58, exactly one year ago our lives changed forever.  As I write this I will try my hardest not to cry at the thought of how fast this life moves & how so very much I wish I could turn back the clock so that I am able to relive it all over again.

One year ago today, your father & I received a precious gift — one that has made our family rich & whole. You were almost two weeks overdue & we couldn’t wait to meet you.

If I’m being completely honest, I was getting a little impatient… okay, maybe more than just a little. Your Daddy was convinced that you were going to arrive on his birthday but you were stubborn just like your father & wanted to stay put for a little while longer. 

You were a little 7 lbs. 13 oz., it took a LONG 30 hours to bring you into the world. But once you finally arrived, the hours just melted away & it didn't matter anymore. You were born at home in our bedroom & it was the most magical moment in our lives, one we will all treasure forever as a family. 

I can remember the hours that followed were filled with complete & total bliss. Daddy, Jamie, Gracie-Mae & I sat in our big bed & just stared at you & your perfection. Your brother & sister were over the moon as they huddled next to you, touching your sweet hands & feet. They worshipped you (and still do).

You inherited your father’s gentle eyes that provide a window to your pure soul. Daddy named you Isaac & it suits you perfectly. We didn't have any boys names picked out as I was adamant you were a girl, how wrong was Mummy & I'm so glad I was, as you are perfection. 

The past year has been one of the best years of our lives. I’ve watched you grow & develop your own little personality. Your belly laughs make everyone giggle & your siblings still fight over you daily.

If there was an award for the “Best Hugger,” you would win hands down. I can’t get enough of your baby bear hugs & butterfly kisses that you give me every morning & throughout the day. I hope you never lose the ability to show affection so boundlessly. Your innocence & the love that you show everyone in this family is a blessing that I will never take for granted.

Your wonder & awe of everything around you never ceases to amaze me. You see everything for what it is — as a whole — without any other thought. You are so completely present in every situation & because of that you are able to appreciate the little things so fully. You are continuously teaching me something new & wonderful. Every day when I wake up & see your beautiful face, I am inspired to become a better Mum & a better person.

Today, know that your life has made such a profound difference in our lives. You make the world a better place just by being here. I can only imagine what amazing things you will do & accomplish in the future, because at just one year old, you are living life to the fullest.

Isaac, I love you to the moon & back & then to infinity & beyond!

Happy Birthday my boy! I love you more than words can say, always & forever.

Your Mama xoxoxo

Sunday, 30 July 2017

To My Beautiful Baby Boy, You Turn One Very Soon!

Baby. Sweet, Sweet Baby,

You have only days left until you turn an entire year old. How has the time gone by so quickly? How have we already had 360 days together? How have the moments & milestones added up to today?

Your sweet little toes are tucked under my ribs & your little cheeks are snuggled into my side. You must be dreaming about feeding because you alternate smiles & suckling while you sleep. Oh, those sweet little lips, how I could kiss them again & again.

The day we learned that you would be ours brought so much joy to our lives, Daddy & I, your big brother & sister couldn't be more excited. You completed our family.  

We waited as you grew, trying out names, picturing whether you'd be a little girl or boy. And then you were here. You were this tiny 7lb 13oz bundle with no instruction manual. We didn’t sleep for days because we watched you breathe all night. You were just too precious to turn away from.

That first month was a blur. So were the next three. You loved the bath tub, started to giggle & rolled over with ease. These little things made us so proud. The months continued to fall from the calendar. You crawled, cried, stumbled & cruising. You ate foods & nursed, gave kisses & played peek-a-boo. And now we are here, crossing off day 360 – rounding out your first trip around the sun.

I wish you so much happiness throughout your (long) life that it brings tears to my eyes. I promise to allow you to be whomever you truly are – & aid you in any way toward pursuing your dreams. You will make so many mistakes, & so will I. I promise to apologize throughout those mistakes & always work toward being better for you – & for me.

I know that we have years of sports, & dress-up, hormones, & dating ahead of us…. BUT not today. No, not tomorrow either. I have learnt just how fast this whole childhood is going to disappear & I want to live it with you, at your pace. I will not rush you into things, or dream too far into the future. I will walk barefoot on the grass with you; I will take bubble baths & let you splash everywhere. But today, in this moment, I will cry the sweetest tears as I see how you have grown; I will try to capture this moment to remember forever.

My sweetest love, I will always be here to hold you. I will rock you as long as you allow. I will always worry, but will also support you. My love will never falter or drift, for you, my little one, are a part of my heart. ❤️

Love you so much my little darling,

Mummy ❤️

Saturday, 22 July 2017

Recipe- One Pot Cajun Chicken Pasta

One pot dinners – I LOVE them!

Especially speedy pasta versions. Perfect for getting dinner on the table before the kids start having an after-school hunger meltdown!

This one has piles of cajun chicken & chorizo all cooked together in a creamy tomato sauce. I like to add plenty of veg such a spinach, peppers & fresh tomatoes too. Because, hey, who doesn’t like getting one over on the kids & making them eat extra veg without even thinking about it! 

This quick Cajun chicken one-pot is a winner for the family dinner table. Cajun spiced chicken in a creamy tomato sauce – with pasta & extra veg. With just 10 minutes prep time & 25 minutes cooking time, that's a double winning in my eyes! 

Ingredients- Serves 4

  • πŸ”Ή1x Tbsp Olive Oil
  • πŸ”Ή1x Regular Onion, peeled & chopped
  • πŸ”Ή1.5x Tbsp Cajun Seasoning
  • πŸ”Ή2x Chicken Breasts, cut into bite-size pieces
  • πŸ”Ή75g (2.6 oz) Chorizo, cut into small chunks
  • πŸ”Ή2x Cloves Garlic, peeled & minced
  • πŸ”Ή½x Red Bell Pepper, deseeded & sliced
  • πŸ”Ή½x Green Bell Pepper, deseeded & sliced
  • πŸ”Ή½x Yellow Bell Pepper, deseeded & sliced
  • πŸ”Ή200g (2.5 cups) Dried Pasta Shapes
  • πŸ”Ή1x400g (14oz) Tin Chopped Tomatoes
  • πŸ”Ή480mls (2 cups) Chicken Stock
  • πŸ”Ή60ml (¼ cup) Double (heavy) Cream
  • πŸ”ΉLarge handful of Fresh Baby Spinach
  • πŸ”Ή10x Fresh Cherry Tomatoes, sliced in half
  • πŸ”Ή50g (1/2 packed cup) Grated Cheddar Cheese
  • πŸ”Ή 2x Tbsp Freshly Chopped Parsley 


  • Heat the oil in a large frying pan (skillet) & add the onion. Cook on a medium heat for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the onion begins to soften.
  • Sprinkle the Cajun seasoning on the chopped chicken breast, then add to the pan. Heat for 5-6 minutes until the chicken is sealed on all sides.
  • Add in the chorizo & garlic then fry for a further two minutes, until the chorizo starts to release it’s oils, then add peppers. Stir, then add the pasta shapes, tin of tomatoes & chicken stock. Bring to the boil, stir, then place a lid or some foil over the pan. Turn the heat down & let the pasta simmer for 15 minutes. Check & stir once or twice during this time.
  • After 15 minutes, remove the lid & test the pasta. It should be just cooked (if it isn’t, cook for a couple of minutes more with a splash of boiling water if needed). Stir in the cream, heat through for a minute then turn off the heat & stir in the spinach. It should wilt very quickly.
  • Sprinkle on the sliced tomatoes, grated cheese and parsley, then serve.                  
  • Thursday, 20 July 2017

    Cheers To 10 Years, Happy Anniversary!

    I used to be a romantic. I remember reading every fairytale growing up.I believed in love at first sight, the magic of a first kiss & happily ever afters. Then I got my heart-broken… no not broken, squashed, stomped on & kicked to the curb like day old rubbish.

    Granted that first time around I now know was not real love. I was very very young & more in love with the idea of LOVE then the person at the time. I made a lot of bad decisions & I paid the consequences. I was bitter & very much anti- LOVE. And then I met a man who would literally sweep me off my feet. LITERALLY!!! ❤️

    I guess what they say is true, when you are not looking for love you will find it. I certainly was not looking to MR.B for a relationship, he was my best friend & have been since I was 13 years old (he was 14years.) But he was looking, he saw me, he persevered & didnt give up, it took him a while to woo me so to speak, a good 4 years infact! But it didn't stop him… well lets just say my life has never been the same. πŸ˜‰

    We are yin & yang. He likes romantic comedy & I am a thriller/action kind of gal. (Kinda joking about the romantic comedy part, kinda notπŸ˜‚) He is happy sitting home quietly on the couch & I am a let’s go dancing girl. He has to have the TV or radio on at all times & I enjoy the quiet, reading my kindle. And yet… we work!

    MR.B is my best friend. He is my rock. He can complete my sentences but knows how much I hate that so he won’t. He reads me better than I read myself. He lifts me up when I am down & grounds me when my head is in the clouds. He not only puts up with all my crazy "Spur On The Moment" type antics, he gets a kick out of them. He loves me for me. Fat or skinny, long hair or short… doesn’t matter to him.

    He makes me laugh! That last one is worth repeating… HE MAKES ME LAUGH.

    He also annoys the hell out of me, spends WAY too much time in the bathroom getting ready, he is super OCD about EVERY little thing (good in a way, but also bloody annoying!) & if he buys another watch I may just have to leave him. But you know what… I love that about him. It makes him not perfect.(But you still better not buy another watch!)

    I use to be a romantic… now I would say I am a realist who enjoys being romanced. There is a big difference. You see fairy tales only show you half the story. They never show you what happens after the big fancy wedding. (Still waiting for this to happen guys, times a ticking MR.B get a move on!πŸ’πŸ˜‚) They don’t show financial struggles, people dying & you certainly don’t find relationship struggles.

    No our life is not a fairy tale. But it is OUR life & one I would not ever change for anything.

    I love you my darling…even more than I did 10 years ago when you forced me to change my mind! (LOL) Thank you for being my cheerleader, my life coach, my partner. Thank you for making me look at the glass as half full when I am certain it is half empty. Thank you for calming my fears, wiping my tears & giving me a good kick in the rear when I need it.

    I love you more than yesterday but less than tomorrow. I am not sure where this crazy magic carpet ride we seem to be on is going to take us next, but I do know there is no one I would rather get rug burn with than you! WINK WINK! πŸ˜‰

    Happy Anniversary!!! πŸ’

    Love you lots my love πŸ’•

    Wednesday, 19 July 2017

    A Letter To My Darling MR.B On His Birthday

    To My Darling MR.B,

    Today you enter your 28th year of life! We get to celebrate YOU & that makes me so happy. You never like to be in the spotlight nor do you love attention, so that's what makes today especially fun. Since we aren't a couple that is big on PDA (translation: you aren't - I TOTALLY am ...I thought I would openly 'gush' over you because that's what birthdays are for!

    First off, I'll just start by saying that you are the absolute best person I know. You are caring & welcoming ... non judgmental & forgiving ... steady & strong. I have had the privilege of being around you for awhile now & you are the same today as you were 14 years ago when our friendship first began; the same sweet man with a quiet yet strong presence & a warm heart. 

    You have the innate ability to get along with literally ANYONE, which is such an admirable trait (and one that I certainly am still trying to acquire)  

    You are an encourager by nature. You believe in people & support them, regardless of circumstance. This has always been true in our relationship. There have been many dreams & ideas that I have chased over the past 14 years & you ALWAYS supported them. Not only did you support me, but you listened, gave your input & encouraged me every step of the way. Thank you ... I love you for that. 

    Your positivity is infectious! You see the glass 'half full' & always choose to see the good in every situation. It's hard to find someone that's always in a good mood (even in the wee hours of the morning!) ... but I appreciate it so much!

    You are the most humble human I know. You have every reason not to be (don't make me list them all), yet you display humility & kindness in every situation. I am witness to it daily and it's one of the MOST attractive qualities about you. 

    You are such an incredible father to our 3 beautiful children & it's an absolute DREAM to watch you with them. I knew early on in our relationship that you would be an amazing dad, but you're even BETTER than I could have ever imagined. They look at you with stars in their eyes & nothing makes me happier than to know they can always feel secure in you & your love. 

    The world needs more men like you in it, you are such a blessing in our lives & the lives of so many. I am so thankful every day for you, our friendship & the little family we have created. So today, on your special day, I hope you know you are loved BEYOND measure...deeply & forever!

    Happiest of birthdays, my love & cheers to many more...

    Love You Lots

    Gemma xx πŸ’  

    Tuesday, 18 July 2017

    Lessons They Miss Out Of Your Pre-Natal Classes

    Lessons they miss out of your Pre Natal Classes. 

    At least I think they miss them off, but as I went to exactly 0 - I wouldn't know. Still, if I were to rewrite the curriculum, this is what we would learn instead. 


    Lesson 1-     πŸ™„ How to politely accept a strangers incorrect advice. 2 weeks of training your face from a blatant grimace, to one of serene acceptance. Dickheads are the second constant of life Im afraid. 

    Homework : Practise your serenity by not using your mind to stab people that ask you questions ' You not had it yet?!' 'Get your sleep NOW, you'll never sleep again' ' Don't you know what you're in for...?' Etc etc. 

    Lesson 2 -       🚷 How to change your Facebook settings to private, so inconsiderate family members cannot announce any part of your journey to the world BEFORE YOU DO. We are doing all the hard work, growing this babe - do NOT take any of the small joys away from us. Tag me and die, ArsenhΓΆle. 

    Lesson 3 -     🏩 The Art of Hospital Bag packing, followed by - the reality of what is going to happen to those knickers you packed. Freebies include - washing powder that works on blood, tissues for random crying and a menu for the local takeaway. Because fuck cooking when your fanny feels like roadkill. 

    Lesson 4 -      πŸ—― Great Swear Words To Use In Labour, points for creating your own, and making one long word from several. 'AssTitsWankFuckBitchShitCunt' was a fave of mine, as well as ' Ow you Bastard-Bitch'.  Followed by 'Design your own, sorry Midwife, I didn't mean it' Cards. To be sent anytime from a day, to three years after birth. I'm sure they'll remember you. 

    Lesson 5 -      ☕️ Mindfulness. A whole hour dedicated to doing absolutely fuck all useful, but calling it mindfulness so we don't look lazy. This hour will be thought about ALOT once baby departs from womb and follows you everywhere. Including the doorstep for your five minute bit of vitamin D everyday. 

    Lesson 6 -     ✨ Affirmations. No I'm actually serious with this one, every new mum, first time mum, second, third fourth - every mum that had a bad experience, every mum that is nervous. ALL OF THEM. Need to be told before going into this, that they can do it. They are strong they are amazing. They should trust themselves to do it, they shouldn't feel shame if things change. Birth is amazing, not something to fear. πŸ’– 

    Feel free to forward this to the head of the NHS. 

    Or your local Health care provider.

     Or just print it off for your pregnant mate. She'll see the funny side soon, I promise :) 


    Friday, 14 July 2017

    My No F*cks Given Guide To Housework

    Sometimes, when all your f*cks have been given there just aren’t any leftover for the other shit, especially housework. You might have run out of f*cks due to your kids being ill, getting peeved at the other-half for not pulling his weight, hungover maybe? Or perhaps it’s just Monday. Either way, if you need a day off, don’t fret! Here’s my “no f*cks given” guide to dealing with it.

    1. The Laundry. 

    Fuck. That. Sh*t! Laundry is the devil of all housework chores. It’s the one thing that no matter how much you do, you can never do enough. It lingers as if to constantly remind you of how shit you are at keeping house. Leave it. Just let it pile up in a dark corner somewhere, you never know, husband might decide he’s finally ran out of boxers & put a wash on. Failing that, you can be safe in the knowledge that there are clean clothes somewhere & everyone will survive for at least two days.

    2. The Bathroom. 

    Are you expecting guests? Is the plumber due? Are you planning on hosting a party in there? No? Then give no f*cks. The toothpaste in the sink can wait, as can the endless amount of random toys in the bath. If you’re a mother to boys with a poor aim (I hear ya’) that’s nothing a bit of spray bleach and oust won’t fix. Leave the hard stuff for another day & pour yourself a cuppa.

    3. Vacuuming.

    Urgh! Look, being hunched over for long periods of time is bad for your back so unless it’s an absolute given that it must be done, you’ll be doing yourself a favour by giving no f*cks. So what if you have stray raisins under your couch, or hardened playdoh lurking in the corners. Children live in your house, they’re simply leaving evidence of there presence.

    4. Cooking. 

    When you’ve had a shit day or not rolled in until 8pm due to attending  kids clubs for the past 4 hours, your f*cks could have diminished into nothing. This is why Just Eat was invented. I’m certain it’s the brain child of a non-f*ck giving mother who decided to help us all out. Order a curry, pizza or both. No one will hate you because you couldn’t be arsed to cook that spag-Bol.

    5. Washing up.

    Admittedly if you go more than 24 hours without washing up, you will find yourself short of mugs. And that’s no good because coffee. All the coffee! However, if you’re on your last precious f*ck, you don’t want to be giving it to a pile of dirty dishes. Instead you can either  a) invest in paper plates and plastic cups from Poundland or b) get someone else to do it. The kids for example, to earn pocket money or your S/O to earn a nag-free night.

    6. Picking up kids crap. 

    Not actual crap, but toys n’ stuff. Why bother? Absolutely under no circumstances can f*cks be given on a no-f*ck-giving day to wasting your damn time! Because that is essentially what you’re doing. You pick shit up, kids tip shit out. You wipe pen off the windows, they draw on the door. You lose your shit, they laugh in your face. Ignore the lot of it. Your lounge floor will be a sea of paw patrol toys and Lego but who cares? The kids are having fun, and you need a coffee.

    7. Cleaning the kitchen.

    Handprints on the cupboards? Stray bits of food under that table? Mess left out by your OH? F*ck it. If the other members of your household aren’t going to pull their weight, you’re out. You’re not their slave. No body will notice anyway, at least not the hubby.

    8. Polishing.

    A most tedious task. And bad for your health too (apparently). On a day like today be kind to nature & give zero f*cks about the ten-thousand spiders taking up home around your fireplace. Give no f*cks to the inch-thick dust on your windowsill or the sticky hand prints on the tv. If you leave it there long enough, it will almost look like its part of the decor. Perfect for a free way to decorate come Halloween.

    Your welcome.

    Gemma Xx